Liddle Kiddles & other memories

Ten things I've been thinking about lately:

1. In my whole life, I've only had one hair brush I really liked. It was red plastic, made by Goody. Twenty years ago but I still miss that brush.

2. My first car was a 1968 Chevy Impala, blue with a white top. I loved that car.

3. When I was 4 or 5, we had a dog named Lady. She had a litter of puppies with 2 black ones. One of them was Good Blackie and the other was Bad Blackie. When we were giving them away, my parents called me outside to identify the Blackies because we were planning to keep the good one. I couldn't tell them apart. We ended up keeping the bad one.

4. When I was about the same age, my parents gave us baby ducks for Easter. My dad had made a pen for them outside. We went to my grandma's for Easter dinner and when we got home the ducks were gone. A neighbor's dog had eaten them.

5. I was in a tornado when I was 10. My mom saw the cloud coming and told me to take my 2 brothers to the basement while she closed the windows. The entrance was outside and my 4 year old brother was too scared so I had to carry him. We stood in the corner of the basement for what seemed like forever until Mom came down. Dad was still taking a bath. When he came down, he looked scared and he stood near the doors where he could see out through a crack. He told us later that he saw our car lifted up in the air and our walnut tree pulled up by its roots. We could hear our furniture moving around upstairs but nothing was really damaged. Most of our neighbors had their windows broken; much of the trailer court half a block away was wiped out, and a house where we used to live, a half mile away, had its roof blown off.

6. When I was little, I used to stay overnight at my grandma's sometimes and sleep in her bed. She said I always kicked her in my sleep.

7. I once had a doll that came with a bathtub. You'd put her in the tub and she'd splash. She was called Tubsy.

8. I also had a doll named Patty Burp. When you patted her back, she burped.

9. My favorite dolls were Liddle Kiddles. They were miniature dolls by Mattel. I still have one like in the picture - it was called Violet Kiddle Kologne.

10. When I was about 4 or 5, the Easter bunny brought my little brother and me two stuffed rabbits - a pink one and a blue one. I liked the blue one so I said the pink one was his. I didn't know that pink was supposed to be for girls. When my parents got up, they tried to make us trade bunnies but we wouldn't. I can still picture that rabbit - I loved it. And my brother loved his. He named it Pinky and he carried it around with him for years.

From watermelons to placentas

The mayor of Los Alamitos, CA, sent out this postcard that shows a picture of the White House with watermelons planted in front. When people complained, he resigned but claimed he didn't know there's a racial stereotype of black people liking watermelons.

Being a racist was bad enough - did he really have to play the stupid card?

More quickies:

• Multi-tasker: A woman in Ohio was pulled over by the cops for talking on a cell phone, breastfeeding and driving at the same time. Her baby was hungry, y'all. The baby is four years old.

• The Paris Hilton Effect: That's what one researcher is calling the shocking new phenomenon (eyes rolling) of women having sex on the first date. He thinks women want to be like Paris Hilton. Right. What pisses me off is the article makes no mention that men are also having sex on the first date. Because if these women were having sex with other women, it would be the Lindsay Lohan Effect.

• Fark headline of the day: Man partied and had sex with lots of women at work. Which might be cool if he wasn't working at the morgue. (the story)

• A study of online porn showed that the states that are more religious and more conservative consume more porn. Eight out of the 10 top porn-viewing states went to McCain in November. The state that consumes the most porn? Utah.

The study's author said, "Some of the people who are most outraged turn out to be consumers of the very things they claimed to be outraged by."

• "So I killed somebody - that makes me a bad guy?" That's what the guy in New York said right after he was arrested for the beating another man to death with a baseball bat. He thought the man was gay.

• If you're the one dumping placentas in the Urbana, IL, sewer, the city workers who have to fish them out want you to stop.

Quote of the day

"Michael Steele! You be da man! You be da man."

~ Republican Congresswoman Michele "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann jumps on GOP leader Steele's urban-suburban hip-hop bandwagon

Quote of the day

When we were in the majority, there were more of us. Now that we're in the minority, there are less of us.

~ Republican Sen. Olympia Snowe

(Because I like her, I'll admit it didn't sound quite as stupid in context.)

Clap on, clap off

Sexy secrets of the Syrian souk. You have to click when you see a headline like this, right? Apparently, souk is the Syrian word for shop. The secret? They sell panties that sing, panties that flash with fairy lights, and remote-control bras and panties that spring open and fall off when you clap.

More quickies:

• Speaking of panties, would you want to buy your frilly underthings at a shop where all the clerks are men? Imagine how women in Saudi Arabia feel. They're decked out in burkhas, not allowed to drive, not allowed to be alone with a man who's not a relative, and they've got some skeeve in the lingerie store telling them they need a bigger bra. And the religious police don't allow the stores to have fitting rooms so they have to buy the item and take it to a public restroom to try it on. Conservatives won't allow women to work, even to sell underwear to other women.

• Since I'm on a panty kick, a guy in Missouri plead guilty to burglary after he spent the night at Kohl's. From the article: Store employees arriving for work were greeted by the sight of a man walking about the store in a pink camisole and pink panties taken from the store’s racks.

• Headline from UPI: Onlookers hindering large beaver search. Make your own joke.

• Headline from Star Tribune: Deputy about to take a bathroom break smells crack, arrests suspect.

I wonder if the guy had a wide stance.

• Fark headline of the day: If you think you're having a bad day at work, well, a komodo dragon didn't climb through your window and attack you at your desk. (the story)

• The most recent salmonella outbreak has had 666 victims. Fark says it's the work of the devil.

• Grass carp. Ever heard of them? Well, a guy in Ohio found one flopping around in his back yard. It weighed 53 pounds. They're related to minnows. Yes, a 53 pound minnow.

• A British website has compiled a list of some of the "Most Unfortunate Names." They include: Barb Dwyer, Stan Still, Terry Bull, Paige Turner, Jo King and Carrie Oakey.

• The Tom Selleck picture has nothing to do with this post. It's just that I haven't put up any eye candy in awhile.

I did my Betty Rubble laugh when I saw this

from my[confined]space

Octomom

I found this on a message board. The discussion was about the mother of octuplets. Most of the commenters were saying very negative things about her and about people on welfare in general. But I really like what this woman said:

Well your tax dollars in the state of CA keep people like Charles Manson, and that sick guy who killed his pregnant wife who was found in the bay ... Your tax dollars pay for war and death. Your tax dollars pay to get people off of crack who just go out and do it again ... Your tax dollars pay for corrupt politicians who rake in the money off of you. There are far worse things than Medi-cal and WIC that your tax dollars pay for.

Some of her kids are sick. She didn't intend for them to need SSI. My mother didn't intend to be on SSI for bipolar disorder. You just don't wake up and decide you are going to be on SSI. Getting SSI is no joke and is very hard to do. I didn't intend to have asthma and have to be dependent on state aided insurance programs just to breathe because private health insurance refuses to cover my condition. I have used WIC. I use medicaid/medi-cal and I have children. Should I be sterilized too just because HMO's won't cover me and I am using YOUR tax dollars to fund my prenatal care, asthma doctors, and the such? NO.

So before people say "she uses my tax dollars" (which is more like fractions of a cent from a dollar, a very minute small, incalculable fraction...) think of the things your tax dollars do go to. It costs $20,000 per a year on average to keep a rapist or murderer alive in prison. So if you really want to save your tax dollars start a movement against the other injustices before you start a movement over the beneficial like keeping sick children alive, or feeding someone a meal who is an innocent productive member of our society. Why does Charles Manson or a guy who murders his pregnant wife deserve your $20,000 a year and not innocent children and their mother?

(I'm not giving the link because I don't want to disrupt the board.)

I think Nadya Suleman was stupid and/or crazy for having six kids so close together, even crazier for deciding she wanted more, and downright irresponsible for letting herself be implanted with six embryos. The doctor is a criminal as far as I'm concerned.

But the tone of the outrage toward her frightens me. She doesn't deserve death threats; she doesn't deserve to be stalked by paparazzi. And people with disabilities and people who can't support themselves in this economy don't deserve to be condemned right along with her.

American Idol has jumped the shark

And I like the shark.

I've loved AI since the first season. Tonight's episode is the first time I've wanted to turn it off because it's just so bad.

The first 3 singers sucked. Totally. They butchered their songs, and these were songs I didn't like much to begin with. Then the shark came out.

The shark's name is Nick Mitchell, aka Norman Gentle. You know how Sanjaya was so bad that his performances were a joke? The difference between Sanjaya and Norman is that Sanjaya wasn't really trying to be funny.

Norman is a comedian and a damn good one. His singing performance wasn't stellar but he sang better than the 3 who came before him. And he was the most entertaining thing I've seen on the show this year. He's doing a parody of American Idol - on American Idol.

Imagine if John McCain had shipped Sarah Palin off to some undisclosed location and taken Tina Fey out on the road with him. He still wouldn't have won but we all would've had a lot more fun.

That's what AI's doing this year. They know their golden age has come and gone but at least they're having fun with it.

They've also been screwing around with the format and tonight they're screwing around with the judges. Instead of going in the same order, Randy-Kara-Paula-Simon, they start with a different one every time. No more Simon coming in at the end with the punchline. Big mistake.

At least they self-corrected one problem. Last week, they had Ryan doing lame ass interviews with the contestants' parents. They've scrapped those, thank god. Hopefully, next week they'll put Simon back in the punchline spot.

Turn ons: Simon Cowell
Turn offs: the guy who sang Coldplay and thought it was soulful

Pop go the weasels

Quickies with a theme:

• Corporate weasels: Northern Trust Bank received $1.6 billion in bailout money and laid off 450 workers in December. Last week, they sponsored a PGA tournament in L.A. and threw lavish parties for their executives and clients. Sen. Sherrod Brown says:

"A lot of banks seem to be talking out of both sides of their mouths. When we ask what they are doing with taxpayer funds, they claim it's impossible to track the money because it is fungible. But when it comes to paying for parties, all of a sudden an enormous wall divides the TARP money from everything else. They cannot have it both ways."

• More weaseliness: Spansion, Inc. laid off 3000 employees on Monday, 35% of its workforce, while at the same time its board voted to increase the pay of executives. The workers didn't get a severance package.

• Weaselier still: Three months ago, the president of the State University of New York instituted a hiring freeze and warned that salaries would have to be cut. This week, he received an $8600 raise. The only difference between corporate weasels and academic weasels is how many zeroes are tacked on at the end.

• Somewhat weasely: For the last 15 years, a school crossing guard in a small town in Pennsylvania has been known as the Hat Man because of the funny hats he wore . Everybody loved it, except for some weasely bureaucrats who recently told him the hats were "unprofessional" and made him stop wearing them. The citizens are fighting back though.

• Word of caution: If you're a famous singer and actor and your laptop is full of explicit pictures of yourself having sex with other Chinese stars, don't send it to a computer shop for repairs. Unless you want to see your skinny cock all over the internet. The women, who live in China, have seen their lives and careers destroyed. The dimwit is Edison Chen - he's Canadian so he's free and clear. The weasel in this story is the computer tech guy who sold the photos.

Go Chuck

A few Republican governors like good ol' boy Bobby Jindahl of Louisiana are making a lot of noise about rejecting part of the federal funding in the stimulus package. Sen. Charles Schumer is calling them on it. Excerpts from a letter he wrote to the Obama administration:

In recent days, a small minority of governors, mostly Republicans, have publicly weighed the possibility of foregoing certain emergency provisions provided under the American Economic Recovery and Reinvestment Act signed last week by President Obama. I believe this prospect not only would undercut the stimulative effect of the recovery package, but also is inconsistent with a key provision included in the law passed by Congress ...

To allow such picking and choosing would, in effect, empower the governors with a line-item veto authority that President Obama himself did not possess at the time he signed the legislation. It would also undermine the overall success of the bill, as the components most singled out for criticism by these governors are among the most productive measures in terms of stimulating the economy ...

For instance, at least two governors have proposed rejecting a program to expand unemployment insurance for laid-off workers. Economists consistently rank unemployment insurance among the most efficient and cost-effective fiscal stimulus measures; by one frequently cited estimate, it provides an economic return of as high as $1.73 for every dollar invested. Thus, by denying this provision for their residents, these governors are not just depriving some of the neediest Americans of relief in a dire economy; they are undermining the overall stimulative impact of the package.

No one would dispute that these governors should be given the choice as to whether to accept the funds or not. But it should not be multiple choice. The composition of the package was rightly dictated by economic considerations; we should not let the implementation of the package be dictated by political considerations.

Follow up on "Just keep your legs crossed, girls"

From AP:

Publicly funded family planning prevents nearly 2 million unintended pregnancies and more than 800,000 abortions in the United States each year, saving billions of dollars, according to new research intended to counter conservative objections to expanding the program.

Take that, you freaking fundies! I've always believed Planned Parenthood prevents more abortions than any other organization.

Now can we put the family planning funding in the Health and Human Services budget?

Blogging in the wee hours

Looks like another sleepless night for me. I went to bed a couple of hours ago and just laid there until I finally gave up. Here I am again.

We had a little excitement Monday morning. All the smoke alarms in the hallways went off. When I opened my door, I thought I could smell smoke so I called 911. There were four other tenants standing around asking each other what was going on but I was the only one who called. If there really was a fire, it wouldn't take long for it to get out of control in an old building like this.

Turned out my next door neighbor was cooking and started his kitchen on fire. He wasn't paying attention and there weren't any batteries in his smoke alarm so he didn't even notice until our noses led us to his door and we knocked.

The fire was out by the time the firemen got here but it was nice to know that for once, it wasn't a false alarm.

The manager has to reset the alarms in the hall and he hasn't shown up to do it. If it's like everything else, we still won't have working fire alarms six months from now. They haven't fixed the water heater that the inspector cited them for more than a month ago. The inspector sent a mildly threatening follow up letter this week. I got cc'd since he found the problem when he was inspecting my apartment. If it's not done by April 1, I might have to move.

A few quickies:

• Coming soon to a theater near you, "Summer of Rage." Wait, it's not a movie. That's what one of London's police superintendents expects to happen when people begin to protest rising unemployment, failing financial institutions and the downturn in the economy.

• Speaking of rage, Fark headline of the day: If attacking beachgoers with a stick of bamboo, choking your landlord, punching a busker and threatening to kill an insurance rep doesn't get you arrested, threatening the police with a pig's jawbone surely will. (the story)

• Speaking of movies, what do "Private Benjamin" and "My Girl" have in common with the old Alka Seltzer commercial, Mama mia, thatsa one spicy meatball? They were all directed by Howard Zieff. He died on Monday. Age 81.

Whenever I hear that someone died, the first thing I want to know is how old they were. Is that a sign I'm getting old?

• The coolest thing I've seen today - 3D sidewalk art. Check it out.


Turn ons: men in rubber (boots that is)
Turn offs: gray hair, at least when it's on me

Just keep your legs crossed, girls

Can somebody explain to me how this works? The Republicans are the minority party. They and their agenda were solidly defeated in November. So why are they still calling the shots in Washington?

They made so much noise about the family planning aid in Obama's stimulus plan that it was cut from the package. No big deal - everyone thought it would be put back in the budget for Health and Human Services as part of the 2009 spending bill. But nope. Not there.

Just what our country needs right now - more unwanted babies.

WTF are they thinking?

Who are the real deadbeats and losers?

CNBC reporter Rick Santelli went on a much-publicized rant about how taxpayers shouldn't have to bail out the losers and deadbeats who didn't know how to manage money. Unfortunately, he wasn't talking about the bankers and CEOs on Wall Street. He was talking about homeowners.

A blogger at TPM wrote a thorough response to him, explaining how the foreclosure crisis evolved. Very informative. The short version:

• Wages and salaries have not kept pace with the inflation in housing costs, including rentals.
• The financial community is to blame for housing inflation because they continued to write loans for houses they knew were over-priced, which continued pushing the prices up.
• Lenders directed people toward adjustable rate mortgages that created the most profit for the lenders but would cost the borrower more, even when the borrowers' income and credit rating were good enough to qualify them for less expensive fixed rate mortgages.

Some of the comments left by other TPMers:

• I was Watching [McLaughlin] Group last nite. There were the two repubs blaming all our current economic problems on poor people. Blaming the powerless.

• Santelli exemplifies today's principled conservative - totally self-centered. There have NO other principles. They are not fiscally conservative for it is apparently okay with Rick for the government to give him and his Wall Street buddies taxpayer bailout money, just don't ask THEM to do the same for anyone else. I could respect a consistent conservative position, but the hypocrisy of conservatives such as Rick make ME want to rant!

• When you look at how these mortgages were structured, and what the benefit to the financial community would be, it has Enron written all over it. To continue to characterize this as if the prospective homebuyers/homeowners are all to blame is reckless and just plain wrong.

• I want to ask these people who are so bitter about helping people caught in this mess: "Your taxes pay for the fire department. If they come and put out a fire in your neighbor's house, would that piss you off because your house didn't catch on fire too?"

Obama's spokesman Robert Gibbs also had a rebuttal for Santelli here.

As my grandma would say, Oh for silly's sake

From actor Alan Cumming, as quoted in New York Magazine:

I’d like to see Obama naked ... I think great leaders, charismatic leaders and men who are so confident and who have achieved so much, usually have big penises ... I think there’s a correlation between the level of confidence, the level of the way a man can hold a room and the way he conducts himself in life, with his penis size — with his comfort with his penis size ... So much of male psyche is taken up with how big your cock is; it’s a huge deal in our lives, and so when you’re confident about your penis size, it shows ...

Well, just look at [Obama] ... Just the way he’s so kind of elegant and very confident in his body and himself ...

Also, someone told me that they worked out with him in a gym in Chicago, and it was big.

Crazy Eyes

Minnesota Rep. Michelle "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann, who nearly lost her safe Republican seat last fall after she went on CNN and called Obama and half of Congress anti-American, is attention whoring again. She's against the stimulus because we're "running out of rich people in this country."

Okay, Michelle, first - we're not running out of rich people. They haven't all absconded to Antigua. Second, the whole point of the stimulus is to stop the bleeding in the economy which is currently causing rich people to lose money.

Michelle and Iowa Rep. Steve King must have been separated at birth.

Quote of the day

There was underlying concerns we had become too regionalized and the party needed to reach beyond our comfort zones ... We need messengers to really capture [states like Virginia and North Carolina] - young, Hispanic, black, a cross section ... We want to convey that the modern-day GOP looks like the conservative party that stands on principles. But we want to apply them to urban-suburban hip-hop settings.

... we need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets.

~ recently elected GOP Chairman Michael Steele

Don't underestimate me because I have glasses and I'm fat

I'm starting to feel sorry for Nadya Suleman, the woman who already had 6 children before she gave birth to octuplets. All 14 children were conceived through in vitro. Now, she's being stalked by paparazzi who report on her every move.

They followed her to the bank where she was withdrawing some money. They've staked out a house she may or may not be trying to buy while she was doing an interview there. She was photographed buying a $15 tube of lipstick.

A lot of the outrage I'm hearing sounds like the typical hate that's directed at people on welfare. There's a general consensus that she's probably mentally ill but the press and the public are treating her like a criminal.

Leave Octomom alone!

Time for some quickies:

• TMZ now has a police photo of Rihanna, taken right after she was beaten by her boyfriend Chris Brown. Imagine what she would've looked like the next day when the bruises got darker. He's being investigated for attempted murder because he threatened to kill her and there are reports he choked her until she passed out.

There are also reports that his security team was following them that night. They whisked him away, leaving his car and a badly injured Rihanna behind. He was gone when the police arrived.

• Unrequited love, or, Don't believe everything you read on Craig's List: A guy in Texas got arrested for harassment after he placed an ad featuring a picture of a woman who refused to date him. The ad said she would "moan like Shamu for you."

• From the land of Proposition Hate: A high school principal in California canceled production of the play "Rent," because it features gay characters. The script was a sanitized version that had already cut out the adult content.

• That lovely home you rented in London? The one where strange men keep ringing the doorbell late at night? Former brothel.

• Wyatt Earp was a thief and a pimp who went on a murderous rampage. Or maybe not.

• A woman in Iowa was arrested, jailed and taken to court because she failed to return a $14 library book. Because, you know, the police have nothing better to do.

• A woman in Pennsylvania is going to trial for animal cruelty after selling "Gothic Cats" on eBay. She pierced their ears and tails.

• Fark headline of the day:

Rock bottom: (noun) - a state of being exemplified by not even being successful at killing yourself when jumping off a bridge, and then getting 4 years in prison for killing the police dog that was biting your arm when you jumped. (the story)

• This Fark headline pretty much tells the story: Standing in front of the backpacker with one hand on his hip and the other on his penis, Loomes asked: "Has this ever happened to you before?"

• Good news for me because I'm too lazy to cook homemade: Campbell's is lowering the sodium content in many of its canned soups.

• Asshole alert: A woman in Canada was diagnosed with breast cancer. When her employers found out, they fired her.

• More assholes: The New York Post is taking well-deserved heat for publishing a cartoon that depicted Obama as a chimp who's been shot by the cops.

• "Don't underestimate me because I have glasses and I'm fat." That's what the guy with the gun said to the guys he was trying to rob.

• Can you identify the guy in the picture? He's an actor best known for a TV series he was in 40 years ago.

Turn ons: buffed up men in tights
Turn offs: people who've never been crazy or poor judging those who are

Dear Diary

I have the worst head cold I've had in years. I haven't been able to sleep the last couple of nights because my sinuses are so congested and my adenoids swell. I'm more tired and even grouchier than usual.

I got my hair cut yesterday. First time in almost a year and it was down to the middle of my back. I've been wearing it up with a big alligator clip the last couple of months. Every time I go to lie down or lean back on a chair, I reach up to take the clip out because I forget my hair's short now. Really short.

My car - the radiator is leaking pretty bad so I'm going to have to get it fixed. Minimum $300 and probably more. The only grocery store within a few miles has closed so I need the damn thing more than ever. I remember all too well what it was like to take the bus back and forth to the grocery store and lug heavy bags uphill for four blocks.

I finally went to the flea market on Wednesday and put a few things in my booth. I made a total of $6 profit in the last 2 months. That's what happens when I don't tend my booth.

Freaking fanatics

The North Dakota House of Reps passed a bill that gives a fertilized egg the legal rights of a human being. Seriously.

As in, the woman who gave birth to octuplets is what's going to happen to any woman who needs in vitro fertilization to have a baby. Once those embryos are created, you're not allowed to destroy them. That would be murder. So implant them all.

The guy who wrote the bill intends it as a way to outlaw abortion but I don't think he's thought it all the way through. What's he going to do? Get a court order to force women to be incubators?

iFart

I'd like to say I've turned procrastination into an art form but there's nothing artistic about it. I haven't been to my flea market booth in almost 2 months. Every single day for the last 2 months I've thought I should put some price tags on stuff and take it down there. And every single day I've put it off. Maybe tomorrow.

Some quickies:

• Police state: A 14 year old girl in Wisconsin was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct for texting in class. Even school principals are outsourcing nowadays.

• Meanwhile, a new study shows that using cell phones in class is beneficial. Amazingly, the research was sponsored by a company that makes chips for cell phones. Who'd a thunk?

• Go Girl: It's a device that looks something like a funnel, designed to allow a woman to pee while standing. I don't make this stuff up.

• He wears a mask when he's eating sushi. Why? Because he's Batman!

• About to be foreclosed on? File a court motion demanding that the bank produce the original paperwork for the loan. Often they can't, and it can delay the case for months. Maybe long enough for Obama's mortgage relief proposals to be enacted.

• Times are tough all over: A guy in China could no longer afford to support all 5 of his mistresses. So he made them compete in a talent contest to decide which one to keep. One of the losers drove him and the other four mistresses over a cliff.

• What's crazier than downloading fart noises onto your cell phone? Two companies suing each other over who has the right to sell farts.

AC/DC

Look at the guy on the right. Now look at his crotch. You're welcome?

Penis

I'm ready for my closeup, Mr. DeMille

That's Ginger from Gilligan's Island. So much for aging gracefully.


Time for some quickies:

• If you had 5600 cupcakes what would you do with them? A Buffalo, NY, woman used her cupcakes to construct side-by-side portraits of Obama and Lincoln.

• Life of the party: There's an elk wandering around Eagle, Colorado, with a barstool stuck on her head. A wildlife ranger says she's doing okay but “She just looks kind of goofy.”

• Traveler's warning: If you're in Singapore, don't take anything to make your penis harder. At least 4 men have died after taking counterfeit versions of Cialis and Viagra.

• Speaking of foreign travel: The mayor of Mexico City is handing out free Viagra. I guess he's up for re-erection.

• On a related theme, Fark headline of the day: Aussies panic as Virgin goes down on them.

• Update on "Attitude Adjustment" - Nolocontendre tipped me off to this photo gallery of Mickey Rourke with his hand down his pants.

• Update on "Meet Alfie and Chantelle" - The 13 year old boy who allegedly fathered a baby with a 15 year old is off the hook. Two other teens have come forward to claim they're the father. The mother allegedly slept with 8 boys all together. Well, not all at the same time.

• Actual photo caption from online news site: The couple in happier times, before Hassan removed his wife’s head.

Grrrr

I uninstalled Norton Internet Security more than a month ago - but its various programs still keep popping up on my Task List and freezing up my computer. Which is why I uninstalled it to begin with.

Their website has an uninstall tool but it looks long and involved and I don't have a lot of faith it'll even work. None of their stuff ever worked the way it's supposed to. I'll try it eventually but let me say this one more time for old time's sake -

NORTONS SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!

Happy VD

Meet Alfie & Chantelle & their daughter Maisie

She's 15, he's 13 and they're the UK's newest sensation. In the US, she'd probably be prosecuted. Sad all around.

Attitude adjustment

Justin Timberlake. Looking for a golf ball?

Guess I saved all my good stuff for TPM

Here's another comment I posted on TPM this week. It was a response to a woman's post about statistics on deaths caused by lack of health insurance:

I'd be interested in statistics of people who become disabled because of lack of health insurance. That's the pattern I've seen in my own family. They develop conditions, such as heart attacks and strokes, that could have been prevented if they had access to health care. They make it to the emergency room on time but they're permanently disabled as a result.

Once they're sick enough that they can no longer work, all kinds of government programs kick in - Social Security disability, Medicare, Medicaid, etc. At that point, at least where I live, they have full access to all the health care they need.

Think of the money - and the productivity - that could be saved if people had insurance so they could get preventative care ...

My grandmother suffered the last 10 years of her life and then died as a direct result of lack of health care ... She was mentally ill and unable to work full-time. She didn't get the treatment she needed for her mental illness or her diabetes and high blood pressure because she couldn't afford it.

She died of a heart attack at age 62, shortly before she would have become eligible for Medicare.

Blah

I have no motivation to do anything this week. I can't even scare up energy for a good blog post. Here are some random snippets of comments I posted on TPM this week. They were all responses to other people's posts:

• Right now, doctors are being forced to do what insurance companies tell them to do. I'm on Medicare, and I have much better access to services and my doctor has more freedom in making medical decisions than anyone I know who's on private insurance. Uncle Sam doesn't micromanage the way the corporate weasels do. There's no profit motive in Medicare.

• I'll second Kucinich as king of the world. Gotta love a guy who actually tried to impeach The Dick.

• On Obama's Monday night press conference: I'm a political junkie but if it hadn't been for the entertainment value of watching Obama's head ping pong back and forth between teleprompters, I wouldn't have listened to his prepared remarks. I was zoned out after the first 10 minutes of Q&A.

• In response to an Obamaniac's critique of one of my posts: Obama has also made a career of sound bites and catch phrases. "Yes we can." "Change we can believe in." "Hope." Ring any bells, smart ass?

• Did anyone else find the [Washington] Post's reporter's question about A-Rod to be a little silly in light of all the more serious issues we're facing? War in Iraq, war in Afghanistan, American soldiers died yesterday, nukes in Pakistan, millions of people are losing homes and jobs, the banking system is still on the verge of collapse - who gives a f*** about some millionaire jock on steroids?

Bougeureau's Daniel & Virgil in Hell

Nice asses, yes?

When I have nothing useful to say ...

... I say it with a picture of Brad. I'm tired, uninspired, mired, wired.

Stock market

This is my sex life

It's a mental recession

More butt for the fiend

I found this on my[confined]space. The guy who posted it said:

Once a week, we would get a special treat outside our office window. Added bonus: he would occasionally yell at the dumpster.

Belated eye candy for the weekend

Keanu Reeves bare ass for my fiend in Seattle.

A Canadian responds

Ever since the DHS has been setup, there have been no terror attacks on the USA. So, obviously what the DHS is doing prevents terrorism.

It is the same up here in Canada. We sprinkle black pepper on our lawns to prevent elephants from messing them up.

But there are no elephants in Canada you say? See, more proof that the black pepper works.

~ from Slash Dot

I mock you with my two tons of spine-chilling fun

Attention ACLU, Steven Spielberg, Kevin Bacon and everyone else who got ripped off by Bernie Madoff: Maybe there will be justice after all.

This morning, the guy who blew the whistle on Madoff testified before Congress. At one point, he said:

I want to make this perfectly clear to all those Russian mobsters and Latin American drug cartels out there ... I was acting on your behalf trying to stop him from zeroing out your accounts. I'm the good guy here.

Will Bernie's house arrest save him? Will they blow up the whole building to get to him? Stay tuned.

Time for some quickies.

• Only in Russia: Passengers on an Aeroflot flight headed from Moscow to New York objected when they realized their pilot was drunk. Airline officials reassured them it didn't matter because these new-fangled planes practically fly themselves. What makes this story particularly Russian is that airline officials now say the pilot wasn't drunk. The passengers were suffering from "mass psychosis."

• Fark headline of the day:

Good news, America: President Obama hasn't smoked a cigarette on the White House grounds since he took office. Isn't that great? Now, go buy a car.

• Good advice from Fark:

If you see a man wearing a sleeping bag as a cape and carrying a screwdriver as a weapon, you may want to run. (the story)

• The evil geniuses at Ticketmaster have a subsidiary website called TicketsNow which resells concert tickets. Amazingly enough, when 60,000 tickets to Springsteen concerts sold out within minutes, TicketsNow immediately offered the same tickets for 4 times the original price. Gosh. Ticketmaster doesn't even know how that happened. Wink wink.

• Paleontologists have discovered the fossil of a snake that lived 50 million years ago. It was more than 40 feet long and weighed 2.5 tons. Tons. One of the scientists said: " It mocks your preconceptions about how big a snake can get."

As only the Brits can say it

Actual article from The Sun, quoted entirely:

A RANDY romeo had to have a ring cut off his WILLY when it got stuck during a SEX GAME.

The red-faced lover had the object removed by firemen with industrial cutting equipment after he turned up at an A&E in Tunbridge Wells, Kent, yesterday.

A hospital source said: “The guy obviously thought he might be able to get it taken off without the fire brigade being called in.

“The last thing he wanted was a load of burly blokes seeing his predicament.

"It was pretty embarrassing. Maybe he got bored with all the cold weather outside then got a bit carried away while trying to keep his missus warm.”

Another quote of the day

What kind of fuckery is this???

Just one day after Macy's announced it's laying off 7,000 workers…..

Higher-up executives at the company have just gotten bonuses worth $1.4 million.

Does that make any sense????????

~ Perez Hilton

Quote of the day

If you flew the entire SEC staff to Boston, and sat them in Fenway Park, they wouldn't be able to find first base.

~ Harry Markopolos, the whistleblower who ratted out Madoff

Last visit to an old friend

I wish I could say I didn't post on Tuesday because I didn't want to bump the Bee Gees down the page. Or I was really busy doing really important stuff all day. Or I was working on a novel.

Nah. I was just uninspired. Possibly lazy.

I'm also feeling sad. My favorite grocery store is going out of business. They announced it would be within the next 6 months but they started a clearance sale on Monday (10% off everything) and the store was already half empty by Monday night. I was going to stock up on cat food because that never goes on sale but someone else beat me to it.

I've been shopping in this store for more than 20 years. I looked forward to chatting with some of the employees when I went in there. The store itself was like an old friend. I knew where everything is. When I made out my shopping list, I could put everything in the order I would pass by.

Who knew you could get so attached to a grocery store?

Turn ons: real customer service
Turn offs: retail flight to the suburbs

I'm posting this because I can

It's my blog and I can post hairy guys if I wanna.
Vintage Bee Gees.

You should be dancing, yeah,
Dancing, yeah!

Tyler Durdan works in Tucson?

Cable customers in Tucson, AZ, got to see 30 seconds of penis during the Superbowl when a porn clip was accidentally flashed on screen. The best part? The company responsible was Cox Communications.

Meanwhile, a follow up on Signs of the Times:

• Disney ABC is laying off 400 employees.

• Kodak is eliminating 3500-4500 jobs.

• Macy's is cutting 7000 jobs.

• Car buyers from several states are having their credit destroyed because of car dealerships going out of business. When they traded in cars with balances still owed, the dealerships were supposed to pay off their loans. Instead, the dealerships file for bankruptcy and the customer gets screwed.

• Something to make this all a little less dire, from Christian Science Monitor:

Today's unemployment rate is 7.2 percent. The last time unemployment reached this level or higher thankfully wasn't the Great Depression, but 1992, when unemployment was 7.5 percent. If we reach 9 percent unemployment by this year's end as some economists predict, that would get us on par with levels of the early 1980s. That's also the last time we saw continuing jobless claims as high as they are now.

Quote of the day

In my world everyone is a pony, and they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies.

~ from Horton Hears a Who!